Vanessa’s blog

I can't seem to find anything.  Important documents.  Either I recycled them, or someone came into my room and mistook my stack for trash and chucked it.  I really don't like being disorganized, or not knowing where my stuff is at. Ever since I moved my room isn't completely organized. It's clean as always, but the layout and setup isn't up to kin. I'm like tossed between two homess...nothing is settled.  I dislike my current state but oh well.

I haven't blogged in a while.  I don't usally blog for an audience--it's just an outlet for myself.  But, if you do read this leave me feedback, because advice helps.  God is molding me and shaping me whole being as I type this.  He has changed me dramatically just by his word and work of the Holy Spirit.  I am thankful for forgiveness and His mercy.  Also, that He helps us when we are not even faithful to Him. When you get a chance read Matthew 17.  You get to see a glorious revelation of Jesus, and a little talk about MASSIVE faith. 

My first semester of grad school is almost done.  Just a little over 3.5 weeks left.  It has been an interesting semester with new academic experiences.  One of my classes is really challenging my thinking and learning skills.  I discovered that I have to be more engaging and think outside the box to ensure my success in grad school.  This means participation.  I hate it.  But, this one class I take is all about participation.  We sit in a  circle and discuss topics that take me a while to soak in and formulate an opinon about.  As a first year grad student in a class of last semester graduates I have felt very intimidated and petrified and very inadequate.Thankfully we only have 3 classes left--3 of which I must participate in the discussion :-/.  Please pray for me because I get so uneasy and nervous when being in class.  Also, I have a 15 page reasearch paper due at the beginning of May.

I recently applied for an internship program with a housing coalition.  Getting this internship will mean a lot because it will give me a year's worth of experience in the planning field as it relates to housing, design, finance, and various aspects.  I got a call earlier today with the intern coordinator that she feels my application is very strong and wants to send it to the decisions committe for review.  Once it is there, and they conduct preliminary interviews, participants will be chosen.  I sure pray that God will make a way for me to get into this program.  For the past two years I have been struggling at my job because I am not passionate about it.  It's a nice work environment, but doesn't get my gears moving. I don't want complacency anymore and I want to get into the field I am working toward entering.  I will deal with the work politics later once I get more word on how close, or not, I am toward getting the internship.  I pray this transition is smooth. I wholeheartedly trust God with this matter as there is nothing I can do but wait, pray, and lean on the Lord.

I'm going to join a ToastMasters Club.  ToastMasters is a non-profit org. that seeks to help individuals enhance their public speaking, presentation, and interpersonal communication.  I think this would be a good way for me to meet new people and possible break my shy barrier.  Trying to branch out more and, although I feel I'm very independent, I need to create my identity apart from my family, or my job, or other exterior factors. 

What was the last great epiphany you had?
Submitted by Ross.

He said to them, "Because of your little faith.  For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

Matthew 17:20 (Jesus)

Shoot. I don't get a spring break.  See, I work at a school.  The students get one...the staff doesn't.  Of course, state has one too, but I still have to go to work.  So it's not a break for me, per se.  I just want a week off of everything.  Just no classes, no work, no drama at home.  I wanna go somewhere. i think I will take a vacay.  Soon...

I'm a little freaked out because in grad school only A's and B's count.  If you get a B- then you don't get credit.  AND if your GPA falls below 2.85 you go on probation. I think this is doable since i only have two classes. But one of them I need to kick up the participation and get to working on my final paper.  eye yeye yeye (like Ricky Ricardo).

Man my brain has sensory and information overload right now.  I am trying to figure out a whole bunch of stuff and I know it will take longer to pan out than I want it to.  Darn.  I am trying to keep my sanity at my current job, while trying to focus on school, while trying to see what type of internships are available for a grad student (that doesn't pay dirt for a salary), while trying to figure out my finances, while maintaining my bills,  while trying to network, while trying to maintain friendships, while trying to be healthy, while trying to FOCUS and LISTEN to what God wants me to do.  There's a lot.  I feel energized, yet flustered.  I WILL get through this madness by the grace of God.

I just imagine that I am my 80's cartoon hero--Penny Gadget.  She gets in the oddest situations, thanks to Uncle Gadget, but she pulls through.  It's a mission.  Life would be boring without one.

Penny

Reading Proverbs right now.  By far, Proverbs 30 and 31 are among my faves.  Lions and ants, lizards and kings, and a woman of valor.  They are exciting to say the least! 

I am home and I just realized it is only Tuesday.  I have been so busy this week.  I feel like it should be Friday...but I am proven wrong when I look at my calendar.  Today, I had dinner with a senior planner/designer at an engineering firm.  It was really fun and informative.  I can't wait until I can find an internship or new job in the design/planning field.  I'm going to bust my ass and network like crazy so I can get into this crazy business.  I'm going to go to professional lectures and check out the architecture lectures at new school of architecture and design.  I'm loving my academic and career choice.  It's so interesting and my job will not be boring...something I can't say about my current job now.  

Ahh...I'm really frustrated right now.  Life seems to keep falling and I'm being thrusted with all these adult type responsibilities.  I feel that I'm a very independent person, but each day, God keeps pushing me forward making me realize that I need to depend on Him more and more.  That no matter how together I think I am, I am not, and I need his guidance in all things. It's tough, but I need to trust Him...with everything.

...is today.  I am wearing black with leopard print shoes. Everyone around me is wearing red.  This is a common occurence.  I don't have anything red--except a cotton jersey jacket (which I love) and roma cherry mary janes (which I also love).  But, I did not want to wear red because I am not in the Valentine's Day spirit. Plus, I ate a few chocolates this morning on an empty stomach--not a bright idea.

I have class tonight from 7 to 9:40.  It's my seminar class.  I need to participate as it is 25%-40% or so of my grade.  I don't like to participate in this class because I never know what to say and I get very nervous.  I feel really inadequate in comparsion to my fellow classmates.  Though, as much as I dismay speaking my opinion in large groups I must do it...I'm there to learn right?! Lord help me today. 

I bought new perfume from Sephora.  I love perfume...it is a common staple in my everyday attire.  I must have a spritz before I head out the door.  I prefer perfume over foundation or makeup anyday.  Here is a list of the perfumes that have captured a place in my heart and on my dresser over the years.  It has been very rare that a perfume has captured me in this way...thus, the list is short:

• "Tommy Girl" (Tommy Hillifiger)
• "Roxy Perfume" (Roxy)
• my latest..."light blue" (Dolce & Gabanna)
  

I am at work, but I have a few minutes to kill before I actually do anything work related. Here are a couple pics I decided to put up.  They mostly consist of the weekend events, puzzles, and fun with the car I bought a few months ago.

Hash House A Go Go (Hillcrest)

Fun With Puzzles (This one only took a few hours)...

Puzzle

It's the car I bought at the end of last year. Isn't she cute (the car, of course)?

Raych took these at the end of last year when I bought it.  I just transferred them now.

Oh my, this weekend was a food-filled weekend.  I am still sick, but my tasted buds are still in tact--praise the Lord. On Friday, for my Dad's birthday we went to Pampas (an Argentine Steak House and Bar).  The atmosphere is very chill and unique. It's not swanky but rather understated, unique, and classy still.